StarF drives a lot and doesn't sleep

I just placed an order for a physical copy of the album Someday This Could All Be Yours (Vol. 1) by The Paper Chase. The Paper Chase spent a few years as my “favorite band” as it were, between 2004 and 2006 (When I discovered Bomb The Music Industry!). They still remain one of my favorites, and in fact my second favorite band behind BTMI!. It’s actually a little bit ridiculous to even say that, because it implies the two can be compared when really they can’t. Apples and oranges, as it were.

The reason I ordered a physical copy of this album which came out in 2009 by one of my favorite bands is double-sided. For one, I realized that I had only downloaded it before because at the time I did not have any extra cash to spare. I said that I would eventually buy it when I could. I don’t really have much extra cash right now, but I still felt a need to buy it because I fear that the band has broken up, which makes me entirely too sad.

I had to buy it off of Amazon because their official site is down. They haven’t posted anything in over a year now. Part Two of their latest album was slated for release in late 2009 or early 2010, but still hasn’t come out, and I fear it never will.

This was part of the reason that I felt I absolutely must own their latest album. Not only because I said I would when I downloaded it, and because I do want it, but because if they’re gone I want to be able to get the album before it disappears from the internet completely in physical form.

So why am I writing this, while listening to that fantastic album? I’m not really sure. I really wanted to make a blog post. I contemplated a story, but nothing really came to me. I haven’t written a story on here in a long time, and I haven’t written a good story on here in even longer. It kinda makes me sad. It’s not even because I’ve run out of inspiration… I have a ton of stories running through my head, especially when I’m far too busy to be bothered writing (For example: When I’m at work). Lately life has sort of fallen into a rather predictable pattern thanks to working so often, and I like it and hate it all the same.

I’m not done writing though. Not now, not ever. I’ll craft more stories, I’ll make good ones and bad ones. I’ll post some up, I’ll keep some saved on my computer and to myself. I don’t know when, but all of this will happen.

And some day I’ll have everything I want. Someday it could be all mine.

Everyone should give the pAper chAse a chance methinks. Not everyone will like them. That’s for sure.

In any case, I think it’s time I try to find some sleep for the night, or at least sit here and finish listening to this album.

Here you go again.

Is it that time already? I ask myself again and again when I reach this point. It seems so strange to be here again. When was the last time I wrote anything meaningful? I no longer create stories, I just rant about ranting about ranting. Where is the substance?

It’s all gone.

I know, that’s why I’m here writing this, so what, what do I do now? Have an internal monologue in public? What’s the point of that? Perhaps I should just go to sleep, that’s what I’ve wanted to do for the past hour is just go to sleep. So that’s what I’m going to do. I have to be up early in the morning anyway. I don’t have time for this.

You can’t go to sleep.

The hell I can’t! I feel sufficiently tired and my bed is waiting right outside that door! I can rip myself right off the internet and avoid the thousand other types of media vying for my attention. I don’t need any of it at all! I just need to go to sleep, to get some proper rest. That’ll fix everything.

It’s not that…

Oh? Then what is it? You’re just the voice inside my head, you don’t get to have insider information. I own you, motherfucker, so you’ll tell me right this instant the reason I can’t leave here and go to sleep. You tell me what it is that makes me write garbage on a screen rather than sleep. Or at least craft a decent story. I have so many good ideas for stories you know, and here I am wasting my time on this. So go ahead, tell me.

If you go to sleep, you might miss it.

Miss what, exactly? I don’t understand.

Of course you understand, you’re me, remember?

Oh, right, adding some sort of conflict just gives the illusion of a narrative here, I remember. Then humor me, because we both know this isn’t going anywhere without some sort of forced dialogue.

You’ll miss everything. The world doesn’t stop because you’re going to sleep.

I’m connected at all times to everyone and everything. And without them in my life, who’s to say when they will attempt to contact me. Am I really letting it all go to my head again?

Of course you are, it’s you.

You’re me, shut up.

I know, I hate it.

Don’t we all.

So what are you going to do?

To hell with it all, I’m going to sleep. I don’t care anymore. I don’t care. I’ll forget any of it ever existed and pretend it doesn’t matter. And I will sleep. Every night I will sleep, and it will be a glorious prize.

You won’t do any of that.

Yeah, yeah I won’t. I can’t. But it sure did seem nice for a second, didn’t it? I suppose if I really was going to I wouldn’t be here, typing this, would I?

You got me there.

So where do we go from here?

To sleep, just remember not to blink. You might miss a vital opportunity.

I’d just fuck it all up anyway, why not get some rest in the process?

That’s the spirit.

sangriaa asked: i hurd u rap abut stuff dats purty kewl

It’s true. Sometimes I yell at a microphone and call it music.

smoothserpent asked: green!

8 facts about my body.

Really? Maaan, I don’t even think I have eight of those. Okay, here we go.

1. In the past six years or so I’ve sporadically transitioned between fit and fat. I’ll get out of shape, realize it’s a problem, fix it for a year, get relatively in shape (At one point it was pretty damn good), and then for some reason just sort of stop. As of late I’m sort of inbetween out of shape and in shape so it’s on me to get into the habit of exercise before it goes the undesirable way. I wish I was able to just keep it at “in shape” forever.
2. I once had a stick lodged entirely through my ankle as a kid. I fell on a tree stump at this kid Joey’s house. Terrible things always happened to me there, including almost being run over by a truck and my first wood tick (Which is horrifying if you’re 10).
3. My hair doesn’t grow out well. I wish it did, but it just gets really weird and awkward. I can’t even explain how bad it is.
4. My stomach is really derpy. I don’t really think this has to do with my body so much as psychology, but as of late eating on a correct basis is becoming more difficult. At some point in my life I started associating negative energy (For lack of better description) with nausea, and so a build-up of said negative energy causes my stomach to go haywire. I don’t like it.
5. I’ve never broken a bone. Now that I’ve written this on Tumblr I probably will. I’m actually surprised I’ve never broken a bone after all the stupid shit I’ve done.
6. I honestly like the taste of spicy and hot foods, but my body doesn’t like to tolerate them. Another thing that bothers me. Maybe I just need to get a new stomach.
7. I can’t make the Chewbacca noise. :(
8. I can click my tongue against the roof of my mouth very loudly. I’ve only met a few other people who can do it as loud as I can. I don’t understand why this is such a big deal, or why it’s difficult for other people, but apparently it’s a thing. You just click… but loudly.

smeared-ink asked: Yellow.

Seven facts about my childhood.

Man, I really do want to be super in depth but I’m really tired right meow. And if I don’t answer this at the moment I’ll probably just forget, so hey, here’s some random facts.

1. I should honestly be dead because most of my childhood was spent doing extremely dangerous shit. ‘Cause even though I loved my games, I also loved to play outside, and me and my friend Brian would do stuff like wander aimlessly through forests, see how far we could walk out on frozen lakes and then attempt to break the ice, and throw rocks at trains.
2. I have only moved once in my life, and it wasn’t that much of a transition (Plymouth to Maple Grove, woaaahhh). I rather miss my old house though. It had a forest and train tracks in the back yard (Hence the fucking around with trains as a kid).
3. Once when I was in pre-school I was being bullied by this kid named Christopher. One day he was chasing me on the playground, and I ran up the slide to get away. He started climbing up the slide as well (It was a twisty slide), so I started peeing down the slide. He slipped, fell down, realized what was happening, and didn’t bother me anymore.
4. I have had an absurd amount of guinea pigs growing up. I believe 11. After the first three died I sort of stopped caring about death in general. My first guinea pig - Cookies - was murdered by my brother when he tried to shove an apple down his throat.
5. Both video games and adventuring outdoors consumed my childhood free time. I did absolutely awful in school and opted just to pull all-nighters mostly playing StarCraft or surfing Newgrounds. Before that I remember constantly playing games like Einhander, Digimon World 3, and Pokemon Puzzle League (And you know, all those other games people played).
6. My parents raised me in that gray area between “what they knew” and the spread of political correctness through the advent of communications technology. Also my mom “got it” a little faster than my dad, which lead to half of my childhood life being full of angry attacks and the other half being strange regrets on the part of my parents. I don’t want to say “beatings” because that just makes it sound terrible, because it really wasn’t that bad. I just think the juxtaposition is funny more than anything. I remember quite often if I would be in trouble I’d find myself hiding in a bathroom because the door could lock, and my dad would be pounding on it, and then he would take the hinges off the doors and I’d have to somehow bolt past to get the fuck outside. Good times.
7. Saturday morning cartoons were the best. I couldn’t get up for school for the life of me but every Saturday I would be up and in the kitchen, wrapped in my Digimon blanket, eating a bowl of cereal and watching some cartoons. Aww yeah.

neurotic-waffle asked: White! Just because I think you can learn the most about a person when they tell you who they think they are.

Three facts about my personality! Whew, okay, let’s go:

• My personality on the whole was built around a few major keypoints: Music, the internet, and my closest friends while growing up. Music is a pretty obvious (Well, I guess they’re all obvious) and self-explanatory one, but I guess I can expound a little. When I was growing up I was pretty much just really dumb and your generic stupid teenager filled with pointless angst who was always ‘woe is me.’ Like every other teenager of this archetype I connected heavily with music I figured I could “relate” to, this lead to my first few favorite bands being the ever so generic list of Linkin Park, Disturbed, System of a Down, and other stuff like that. Eventually through heavy use of the internet and the phase I went through as a total and complete music elitist (I guess I still have a little bit of that in me, too), I ended up expanding to ridiculous lengths. Since during these weird transition periods in my life I was still connected heavily to music in a “this is what I’m going to cope with” way, I ended up adopting a lot of odd and often clashing life-lessons through songs. Eventually I ended up settling on taking after bands like Bomb The Music Industry! and 311 who basically say: Hey, sometimes shit sucks, but we’ve got it pretty damn good. Time to be happy. I’m glad that my musical personality settled there. Also this is getting really out of hand as an answer and a little unorganized. Okay, let’s talk the internet! I was on the internet from a very early age, I believe I started browsing on my own when I was about nine, and had been messing around on computers since way earlier with my dad. My first introductions to internet communities were through StarCraft and Newgrounds. My dad bought me StarCraft when it first came out and I instantly became addicted to it. I actually became really good for not even being a teenager at the time. So good in fact that I had joined an online clan known as the Lost Minions. I went by StarFire68[LM], and at the time it was a big deal to me. It was probably the very first time in my life that I felt I really belonged to something that was bigger than me, and I feel like it’s where I really started to adopt a lot of the personality traits I still keep around today. I remember always being known as the “peacemaker,” trying to work out inner-squabbles in the clan, which is silly because that clan only lasted until I was about 14 years old I think. Still at the time it was a big deal and taught me a lot about communities and loyalty and such. Then there was Newgrounds, I remember my cousin introduced me to it when I was around 10, and I started watching their videos. Eventually I found my way to the forum and began posting. My first posts were absolutely awful. I looked back at them once and wanted to just go kick myself for being so stupid. But hey, I was a dumb kid. Newgrounds taught me many things (Such as the importance of spelling and grammar, I learned that one quickly), and gave me a place to bring any concerns or questions that I may have had growing up since I didn’t really have anyone else to talk to (I didn’t really have that many friends and wasn’t generally outgoing at all). It actually worked out quite nicely because all in all the internet is the best place to go to when you want to know something, especially a brutally honest place like Newgrounds. You just get a lot of completely honest and unbiased results. And finally, like anyone, there’s my close friends. As I mentioned I was a pretty derpy kid growing up and wasn’t very outgoing or social. I didn’t really become sociable until halfway through high school. So it was good that I managed to group together four or five really close friends while growing up. And especially Ellie. As much as she really fucked up my life later, she’s responsible for a lot of the way I am now - for better and worse.
• So now that I’ve covered where my personality came from in my opinion (Sort of spasmodically, but covered nonetheless), I guess I need two more facts. Another one is that I feel like my personality has shifted drastically over the years, but has mostly settled down and stabilized. I don’t know if that’s actually accurate, but I feel like the core of who I am now hasn’t significantly been altered in years, and I don’t really see it changing anytime soon either. Actually I guess that’s not totally true, because in the past year I’ve probably become more work-driven and “grown-up” to a certain degree. Damn these changes.
• My personality is really derpy but I mostly like it that way.

The excitement:

I think I finally thought up the perfect idea for my life. I think I finally came up with the thing that could possibly propel me into the fantasy life I’ve always dreamt up in my spare time. Even if it doesn’t acquire me fame, it will acquire me recognition to some degree to be sure. And most of all, it will be my own personal greatest accomplishment. Strangely enough, I don’t think it’s terribly unique. In fact it’s probably been done before. Maybe. I have absolutely no idea if it’s been done before, I’ve never actually seen it done before. Certainly not on the scale I’m thinking of. Certainly not in the precise way I’m thinking of. Maybe it’s not even a good idea, maybe it’s actually really stupid (It could be). But personally I think it’d be really cool - if it was executed in exactly the way I envision it.

The problem:

I have absolutely no way to accomplish this idea in any tangible way given my current life. I don’t have the money or the know-how. It would require, well, lots of money to do this right. It would also require an extensive knowledge of how to construct a large and complicated machine. Then there’s the programming that would go into it as well. I’ve been told that there are ways to build towards all goals, and perhaps I should simplify and expand from there. I could start a Kickstarter to get the money and find others to help me. It’d be a little bit silly because having others help me would sort of defeat the purpose, but it would ultimately be worth it. The real problem though is that even if I had sufficient money and a team of people to help me, I still have no idea where to begin. Not even a little bit.

But man, it’d be really cool.