StarF drives a lot and doesn't sleep

Buck 65 - A Surrender To Strangeness

As performed with Symphony Nova Scotia.

It’s strange how beautiful this music is, not even just this song but the entire performance (Which is all on YouTube). It gives me chills. Buck 65 is definitely a huge inspiration to me, even though it may not entirely show through in my own work (Or at all, I can’t tell). Sometimes I feel like none of my biggest inspirations really get through to my own work, maybe that’s a problem. I don’t know yet.

My life seems to be ruled by two factions: Love and work. If I’m not loving deeply and working hard in the perfect balance of those two things I don’t think I can be happy. Maybe that’s my big problem, and I just can’t manage the two. Because it’s hard. Sometimes I get too swept up in either faction and lose sight of the other, and it starts to get to me. Sometimes I feel too preoccupied with love and then I listen to something like this and remember “Oh fuck, I want to accomplish something like this. I want to create something beautiful like this.”

Then I push everything out of my mind and work really hard and I remember the girl I’m in love with and think “Oh shit, I want nothing more in the world than to be with her right now. Everything else is pointless.” And then I can’t properly work anymore. And unless I correctly figure out how to balance these two factions I’ll never be able to be properly happy except for in small doses.

And while I listen to this masterpiece I can only spin and reel at the beauty and how much I want to create something like this and I feel everything inside of me imploding.

I don’t even know what to do with myself.

But still, this is beautiful.